Is singleness a blessing or a curse?
A lot of single people think of singleness as a curse. I’m not even going to pretend that the thought never crossed my mind before. Just like a lot of the single people I know, I’ve battled with loneliness, disappointment, and frustration.
But as the years have gone by, I’ve come to realize that I am really grateful, because I’ve learned that every day that I’m single is a day that I’m learning and growing in ways that are molding me into the person God created me to be: someone who will be better prepared for deeper relationships and bigger responsibilities. And I’ll be the first to admit that I could always use the help!
One of the ways that I get to learn is through the married couples around me. Take Robert and Samantha Johnson, for example. Individually, Rob and Sam are two of the kindest and coolest people you’ll ever meet. Together, their awesomeness is magnified. Both of them add so much value to every person and every experience they encounter. I also love that they’re always more than happy to open up their lives to their single friends like me!
Sam is one of the women I look up to because of many reasons, but especially because of the way she exudes joy and hope. I get to learn a lot from her, and I thought it would be great if other people who read this blog could learn from her too! So I asked her to share her insights by listing some things she wished she learned when she was single. I’m glad that she wholeheartedly agreed! Without further ado, here’s her list:
1) It is okay not to do what every other “looking” single people do. Don’t get me wrong. If singles want to be seen where other single people mingle, I don’t have a problem with that choice. Except I clearly knew that it wasn’t my scene then and it never will be. But I felt I had to do it because I might miss out on meeting “the one.” Result? A lot of money wasted on drinks I couldn’t stand and a lot of meaningless conversation over really loud music. Today, I realize that it is absolutely OKAY to chill and stay at home and do the things I really find joy in.
2) You can’t “force” chemistry or a genuine connection with someone. I never really got the “I can LEARN to love him” kind of deal. A meaningful relationship with someone is easy, sincere, leaves you smiling all the time, no worries on what the next move should be because, yes, it is THAT easy. And the only time I felt that kind of ease is with my husband.
3) Be intentional about pursuing your passion, no matter how busy you are. I took on jobs that did not interest me at all, and sometimes that’s okay when you are starting out. But boy, how I wish I made time for the activities that I truly enjoyed and those that nurtured my soul.
4) Celebrate the moments of “loneliness.” Trust me, when you start having a serious and committed relationship, and you begin a family and take on other things on the side — that alone time can be a luxury.
5) Physical intimacy with someone who is not your husband is overrated. People have different takes on this but to me, there is just something so beautiful about a man who loves Jesus so much that he RESPECTS and GUARDS a woman’s body because it is the Holy Spirit’s temple and he would not do anything to taint her testimony. There is something so attractive about a man who knows his place when God entrusts a woman to him. A man who has this kind of leadership says a lot on how he will guard your home and your family. It also says a lot on his faithfulness to God and to you, as his wife.
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Thanks for the wise words, Sam! If you want to read more from Sam, check out her blog here. Her recent post features an interview with a friend of ours, Ali Smith, who recently released a book called Entrusting the Key: From Serial Dating to Joyful Waiting, which I’ll also be blogging about soon!
Are you single? What are you most grateful for in this season? Are you married? What do you wish you learned when you were single?
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