Tag Archives: Relationships

More for the singles!

Yesterday’s guest post from Sam Johnson was a huge hit, and for the singles who liked that, I’m pleased to announce that there’s more!

Today, I’m happy to share some insights from another one of my friends, Anna Moran. Anna is one of those women who I look up to because peace, joy, and faithfulness just flow out of her. She and her husband JA are proud parents to an adorable and talented little girl named Andi.

Here are Anna’s nuggets of wisdom for the singles:

1. Know who you are in God.
2. Aim for excellence.
3. Pursue your dreams.
4. Live out your purpose.
5. Have a vision of the future family that you desire to have.
6. Wait for God’s best for you.
7. Honor God in all that you do.

She talks about each point in detail on two blog posts which you can find here and here. Lots of inspiring and encouraging stuff in there! I especially liked this part that she wrote: “…everything is much, much, much more beautiful when the time is right.” While the titles say that the posts were meant for single ladies, I think that her list reflects principles that all singles–not just women, but also men–can and should live by.

Do check out Anna’s blog! She’s an excellent communicator, and she has great insights on faith, family, and life.

Did you notice that there are a lot of friends popping up on the blog this week? Stay tuned for some familiar faces on tomorrow’s Tell Me Thursday post! :)

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Things I wish I learned when I was single (A guest post by Samantha Johnson)

Is singleness a blessing or a curse?

A lot of single people think of singleness as a curse. I’m not even going to pretend that the thought never crossed my mind before. Just like a lot of the single people I know, I’ve battled with loneliness, disappointment, and frustration.

But as the years have gone by, I’ve come to realize that I am really grateful, because I’ve learned that every day that I’m single is a day that I’m learning and growing in ways that are molding me into the person God created me to be: someone who will be better prepared for deeper relationships and bigger responsibilities. And I’ll be the first to admit that I could always use the help!

One of the ways that I get to learn is through the married couples around me. Take Robert and Samantha Johnson, for example. Individually, Rob and Sam are two of the kindest and coolest people you’ll ever meet. Together, their awesomeness is magnified. Both of them add so much value to every person and every experience they encounter. I also love that they’re always more than happy to open up their lives to their single friends like me!

Sam is one of the women I look up to because of many reasons, but especially because of the way she exudes joy and hope. I  get to learn a lot from her, and I thought it would be great if other people who read this blog could learn from her too! So I asked her to share her insights by listing some things she wished she learned when she was single. I’m glad that she wholeheartedly agreed! Without further ado, here’s her list:

Things I Wish I Learned When I Was Single by Sam Johnson

1) It is okay not to do what every other “looking” single people do. Don’t get me wrong. If singles want to be seen where other single people mingle, I don’t have a problem with that choice. Except I clearly knew that it wasn’t my scene then and it never will be. But I felt I had to do it because I might miss out on meeting “the one.” Result? A lot of money wasted on drinks I couldn’t stand and a lot of meaningless conversation over really loud music. Today, I realize that it is absolutely OKAY to chill and stay at home and do the things I really find joy in.

2) You can’t “force” chemistry or a genuine connection with someone. I never really got the “I can LEARN to love him” kind of deal. A meaningful relationship with someone is easy, sincere, leaves you smiling all the time, no worries on what the next move should be because, yes, it is THAT easy. And the only time I felt that kind of ease is with my husband.

3) Be intentional about pursuing your passion, no matter how busy you are. I took on jobs that did not interest me at all, and sometimes that’s okay when you are starting out. But boy, how I wish I made time for the activities that I truly enjoyed and those that nurtured my soul.

4) Celebrate the moments of “loneliness.” Trust me, when you start having a serious and committed relationship, and you begin a family and take on other things on the side — that alone time can be a luxury.

5) Physical intimacy with someone who is not your husband is overrated. People have different takes on this but to me, there is just something so beautiful about a man who loves Jesus so much that he RESPECTS and GUARDS a woman’s body because it is the Holy Spirit’s temple and he would not do anything to taint her testimony. There is something so attractive about a man who knows his place when God entrusts a woman to him. A man who has this kind of leadership says a lot on how he will guard your home and your family. It also says a lot on his faithfulness to God and to you, as his wife.

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Thanks for the wise words, Sam! If you want to read more from Sam, check out her blog here. Her recent post features an interview with a friend of ours, Ali Smith, who recently released a book called Entrusting the Key: From Serial Dating to Joyful Waiting, which I’ll also be blogging about soon!

Are you single? What are you most grateful for in this season? Are you married? What do you wish you learned when you were single?

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If you liked this, you might be interested in these related posts:

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Practicing what you preach can be easy (or easier!)

Okay, here’s the truth: practicing what you preach isn’t easy at all. I should know, I’m a teacher, and I struggle with this a lot.

You know that saying that goes, “Those who can’t do, teach”? I’ve always thought that was a little harsh. But there is a sad truth behind this: sometimes it’s just easier to teach what you know than it is to actually convert knowledge into effective action. It’s easier to talk about leadership than it is to lead an organization, it’s easier to talk about discipline than it is to stick to your resolutions, it’s easier to preach about self-control than it is to exercise it, it’s easier to talk about compassion than it is to give away the money you’ve worked hard for, and it’s definitely easier to talk about financial stewardship than it is to stop yourself from buying things that you don’t really need. It’s a constant struggle. But it CAN get easier.

This is what I’ve learned: when I need to practice what I preach, I need to be honest with myself and admit that I need other people. Sometimes I need a leader for direction when I’m lost and confused, a mentor for guidance when my blind spots are getting me into trouble, a co-worker for support when I’m feeling overwhelmed, a teammate for their ability to do what I cannot do, or a friend who can pray for me when I feel like giving up. Different problems, different roles, one important truth: it gets easier when I open myself to other people.

But what does that look like? How does that work on a practical level?

I’m a big fan of taking baby steps. In this case, I would probably start by being honest with myself that I need someone to talk to, then I would find that person, then I would say these three simple words:

“I need help.”

I think it’s the fear of rejection, or the fear of feeling vulnerable or powerless that stops people from saying these words. I know that these fears have stopped me time and time again. But I also know that each time that I swallowed my pride, put aside my fears, and said those words out loud, grace followed–and flowed–and I had no regrets. Well, that’s not entirely true. Most of the time, I regret not asking for help earlier. :)

Who are the people or what are the strategies that have helped you practice what you preach? Do share!

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Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

I’m on a [reading] roll!

In marriage, is love really enough? Now that’s a common question, don’t you think?

Having grown up in a broken home, I always thought that a good marriage was something only found in fairy tales. I was pleased to find out later on that a good, strong, faithful, and godly marriage can actually be a reality. But I always wondered, how is it possible? Do people just get lucky? Does it depend on how attractive or ‘cool’ you are as a spouse? Are people just naturally better at it than others?

I figured I wouldn’t get all my answers, but as a single woman with my family background, I always wanted to understand more about marriage. No other book explains the relationship between a husband and wife better than Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. I first heard about it through one of my former employers (and one of my mentors), Anthony Pangilinan. Shortly after, I heard about it again from my friend, Eric Villarama. Anthony and Eric both have awesome marriages (Anthony is married to Maricel Laxa and Eric is married to Donita Rose), so I made a mental note to check out this book. One year later, I’m happy that I finally got a copy!

Based on Ephesians 5:33, the book gives a fresh perspective on marriage the way God intended it to be. People can read this verse over and over again and totally miss out on what Dr. Eggerichs picked up and wrote about in detail in this book. Have you ever heard of unconditional love? Yes, right? What about unconditional respect? Now that’s something you don’t hear often.

I don’t want to spoil it because I think it’s a “must-read” for all married folks out there. And for all the single people like me, I think it’s a great book to read, too. It sheds a lot of light on the differences between men and women, so if you find yourself often having conflicts with the people around you from the opposite sex (e.g. parents, siblings, classmates, co-workers), this just might be the reference material you need. :)

The Languages of Love

I can imagine most of you have heard of Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages. But just in case you haven’t heard about it, the premise is simple: Chapman says that there are five distinct languages that people use to express love: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION • QUALITY TIME • RECEIVING GIFTS • ACTS OF SERVICE • PHYSICAL TOUCH (for more info on the Love Languages and the books, go this page).

I really enjoy reading Dr. Chapman’s books. I’ve read the Five Love Languages for Singles, Five Love Languages of Children (while I may not have my own children yet, I wanted to learn how to adjust to my nephews), The Five Languages of Apology, and The Love Languages of God.

lovelangbk B-290_300 BP467 51s+Y4DimEL 41HN12YVHGL

My love languages have slightly changed since the first time I came across the books (By the way, if you don’t know what your primary and secondary love languages are, take the test here.) I took the test again today, and here’s what came out:

Words of Affirmation: 9
Physical Touch: 9
Quality Time: 9
Acts of Service: 2
Receiving Gifts: 1

To my surprise, quality time went up on my list (I think it’s because I now have more time to give) and now, physical touch ranks on the same level as words of affirmation (which has always been my primary language). I guess it’s because I’m a hugger. I used to not hug people as much because I was shy. Yup, I was even shy when it came to hugging members of my family! But in the past couple of years, I learned to give more hugs out freely…as long as it’s in the proper and appropriate context, haha! When it comes to my nephews, though…I hug ’em every chance I get!

I remember several insights that I picked up when I read the book:

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